TOW #10 - "God Weirded Out By Christian Who Loves Him After Only Month In Church"

The Onion 

    In this satirical article from the Onion, the author writes about the now severed ties between God and devout Christian, Christian Dale Evans. The author includes quotes from an interview with God and a sarcastic/sardonic tone to poke fun at people who proclaim themselves at devout worshippers of God despite only following him for a short amount of time.     

Christian Dale Evans came across God just one month ago. The Divine Creator, God himself, responded to this as a "super creepy" situation. "He's only gone to services for three or four Sundays now, and yet he's already trying to talk to me every night and telling all his family and friends about how great I am--It's kind of unsettling," God told the Onion. Obviously, God did not come down to talk to the Onion and tell them that this man was creeping him out. However, by being sarcastic in ridiculing this "Christian who came to love God in only one year," the Onion illustrates the ridiculousness of people who claim to be a devout believer after years of not really caring for religion. When the Onion asked God about how he would deal with this situation, he said that he didn't need "another toxic relationship with a f*cked-up Christian." Evans reportedly did not take any time to get to know Him before he claimed that he wanted to be with God forever, and that was upsetting to God. Likewise, if someone in today's world practiced Christianity for one month and then went to confess his/her love for him, God would cut all ties. "A little admiration here and there is okay," but going from zero to 6o in the blink of an eye" will only make His skin crawl.     


 By including quotes from God, the author is able to add to the humor of this article. However, his sardonic and sarcastic tone acts as criticism of the issue at hand; people "going from zero to 60 in the blink of an eye." Both of these rhetorical devices  help in bringing light to this issue in hopes of having readers realize the ridiculousness of this situation.